There is no '; elegant'; way to do it. No matter what you say or do, the person that you want to leave is still going to feel bad, they may even get mad at you. You just have to tell them to leave. And do it ASAP before you lose your sanity. I have been in similar situations.How handle a house guest that has stayed to long and is homeless?
look n one wants to be homeless, and you also said that ther eis no way to prove they stole the stuff.some times when you have guests and stuff disappears you assme it's them and sometimes it is na dsometime you just misplaced the stuff you know. that happened to me, we were homeless for a while and the people mistreated us, everything they misplaced we were the ones who s-called stole them and a couple of days later it reappeared! try to put yourself in their shoes...and there is no elegant way to tell someone leave, they are going to get hurt eithher way.
Just say I'm glad I could offer you a place to stay for awhile. Now, may I offer you the door?
look into places like the salvation army or homeless shelters
Change the locks.
I would think this would be up to your husband to ask her to leave since he's the one that is letting her stay. Ask your mom or another relative to call up and say they are comming to visit in a week. That way the guest will have to leave to make room for the people comming to visit!
I've so been there too. When you give the ultimatum, offer to help them pack. You might find some of your things back!
There's NO elegant way. I had this happen to me. I gave an ultimatum and I had to pay for travel and arrangements for them to leave.
Lesson for life: never let them in, no how matter how much they beg. If they don't have a job, they're a bum.
Be upfront and honest. ';I need my space, it's time for you to move on with your life.';
Tell that freeloader to hit the bricks and your fiance to quit being such a sucker. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to give them a good swift boot in the *** in the right direction and freeloading at your pad ain't it.
Or better yet tell her if she wishes to stay she has to help pay a share of the bills. She'll take off like a jackrabbit with his *** on fire.
Consider this a learning experience.
';Move';
I'd kick her out ASAP. Tell your significant other if he doesn't like it then he can leave to. :)
You should talk to your fiancee. She's his friend. He most likely helped her get into your house. Now he can help you get her out. If nothing works, you did say that she's in and out. Next time she's out, don't let her back in. I'd also change the locks. If she's ever had access to a key then she could have had a copy made for herself.
Tell them ';I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave';.
As others have said, you have to set a date and tell her she has to leave. You didn't say how long she has been there, but you did say she could live somewhere else. I think you both have helped her enough. She is only taking advantage of your kindness. She will never go as long as you let her stay. And it isn't helping her one bit. If she has food stamps and financial aid, she could get some place to live, even if it is just a room.
If she is stealing from you, she is no friend, and I sure wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings. Lock up your meds, tell her she has 48 hours to find a place and then if she doesn't leave, get the law involved. Why should you put up with this?
Looks like you have a bigger problem than an overdue house guest.
Why are you having to turn to us at Yahoo Answers?
She's a friend of your fiance. If you cannot discuss this with him, or if he won't ';take your side'; on this one -- then you need to get rid of both of them.
Elegant? To someone who is mooching off you and stealing? Get real. Tell them they have 48 hrs to go or you will have them escorted out by the sheriff. Trust me, they are not going to be damaged by it. People like that have the hide of an elephant. They will probably have the nerve to argue with them.
Fish and guests stink after 4 days.
be as honest as you can tell them you can't afford to have have them there for many reasons and you don't want to discuss it ,and most of all to keep there friendship. hope i have helped you you need not explain anything its your home by saying you want to keep the friendship lets them no that you do care.
For the sake of your peace of mind and your future marriage, you and your fiance need to set a deadline for your guest to get her own place or find a new place to crash. And then you need to firmly stick to it.
You two need to present a united front. Tell her your glad you've been able to help her out so far but you two need your space and privacy back and she has until x date to find a new place. On x date help her pack and wish her godspeed.
No needy house guest should be hanging around your house while you are out working. Her 9-5 needs to be finding a job and place to live. So when you get up to go to work in the morning she needs to get up and get to searching. Above all you need to clear and firm that the free ride is coming to and end.
kick them out pronto
happened to me... haha still don't know if they took things.. but who else would've?! anyways i told them i needed my space.. constantly mention ';that place they have waiting';.. they'll get the hint
OMG!! i just went through this 3 weeks ago had 6 houseguests, and they had no place to go....lying about places to go, jobs to get,and they were still here.So everyday I started asking ';did u find a place yet?'; did u get a job yet?'; So i started searching for shelters and gave them every number i found. Eventually they got the hint and left. If that didn't work then i was tell them my landlord found out they were here and they had to go. So good luck i know how u feel 100%.
Talk to him and tell him you are uncomfortable w/ her being there. If your SO doesn't put your first now, think he will later?
Been there and done that.
I kept asking her to leave and she just felt right at home in my home. She kept saying she was looking at options and I knew she wasn't. So, when she was out one day, I called a locksmith and had the locks changed. When she got back, she found her belongings outside. I was firm and steadfast. It was hard because it was totally out of character for me. But she had gone way past the point of being the appreciative lost soul I tried to help.
And I am a slow learner. I did it again with another person. This time, I made house rules that were to be followed to the letter. They felt my rules cramped their style and they left on their own.
What were the rules?
* Hair must be kept trimmed and neat
* Pants must be worn with the wasitband around the waist.
* A calendar was designed to alternate days of cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, mowing the grass, washing my car. There were two of them so every 3rd day, it was my ';turn'; to do the daily chores. They felt it was unfair that I only had to do my household chores every third day and wanted to be considered ';one'; because they were a couple. Nothing doing. One person, one day on the chore calendar.
* No sleeping on the couch!
* House temperature is set at 80 in the summer and 70 in the winter. The utility bill will disclose if this rule was broken behind my back - and the difference in the bill was their responsibility to pay.
* No inviting people over that I do not personally know.
* No pets! I had my own pets and didn't want other animals possibly threatening mine.
* No loud music! My rendition of ';loud'; meant audible in any room other than where the music was being listened to.
* No incoming phone calls after 9pm.
It's YOUR house. YOU make the rules and you don't have to explain them.
Well, for one thing Dear Heart, you don't have a house guest....you have a roommate!
As the others have said, there is no elegant way....but there is a polite way. You can tell her that your letting her live there with you, free of charge, isn't helping her. It isn't showing her how to be a responsible, contributing adult. So, you've decided the only way to really ';help'; her is for her to start paying half the rent, half the utilities, half of all the expenses. That it's really the only way you will feel as though you're really helping her. Also tell her she has a time limit to acquire a job and start paying her way...like 24 hours. I can almost guarantee you she will be gone by morning.
If not, then forget ';polite'; and tell her to leave, that she obviously doesn't want your help and you can't afford to support an adult child.
Good Luck!
I had the same thing happen to me. I took in two local teens - they told me that they'd started new jobs and just needed to get back on their feet.
Well, it's hard to get back on your feet while sleeping all day long. There were no jobs, at least not ones that didn't involve criminal activity.
When you help someone, then you gotta make sure you're not doing so much that they don't do everything that they can be doing. I'm guessing that they aren't doing as much for themselves since you're doing it for them, even providing maid service!
So, you set new rules, and a date that this relationship will end (2 more months? 1 more month?). Be prepared for the rules to be broken, and the relationship to end sooner than you stated.
Remember, if you keep enabling them, they can't get better.
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